Cold, Busy, Tired

February 2018

The past month has been an absolute blur. A slog and a fight and just a tiresome, tiresome month. It was the last month of a big project at work and by god, we’re finally over the finish line today, if it’s only dragging our exhausted carcasses over with the finished product. We’ve been moving offices too in the middle of this big project as well, so things have been doubly confusing and tiresome, as we were literally packing and moving the office at the same time as we were making the big push on our project. But at the end here, we have something nice that we’ve been working on. As well as the first hints of an SDK to start our product interfacing with the outside world on our own terms. It’s incredible.

Personally, I’ve suffered a lot because of the 60 hour weeks. Missing sleep, workouts, date nights, you name it. I’m going to have to take a week or two to recover.

And there’s that little thing of turning 32 here soon. Really soon. This weekend. I don’t really want anything for my birthday, except maybe to have a little more time, if that’s in any way possible. Who knew being 30 something would be so busy? Probably my parents.

Speaking of family. My sister is about to have the next generation of the family next month! Hard to believe it but I’m going to be the ‘generation of the past’ before I know it. Hopefully the world we’re creating for the new folks isn’t too bad for them. I hope that we can make a change in the environment, the government, and our culture in time to not fail them.

I’ve signed back up for an improv class at the Pack, so we’ll see how that irons out. I’m both anxious and happy to be going back there, and I hope that I can just relax and enjoy the classes this time around. For too long I pursued doing improv as some sort of means to the ends of being ‘the best’ or an ‘expert’ at it, when I should have realized that it’s really just playing pretend with your friends in a room or on a stage somewhere. How silly of me.

Next up

Next is March. Lots of plans to go see concerts and wrestling and you name it. It’s going to be amazing. Hopefully I can find some time for myself to make some more art. Which reminds me: I think I sorted out something important about my voice this month. For the longest time I was pondering over the question of “What is my voice?” Trying to solve the question by developing my voice, or trying to discover my voice. Yearning to come to some bullshit realization about myself that just wouldn’t come. And I was straining and sweating over it and very predictably the only thing I generated was shit. Until I realized that you voice isn’t something you get to pick for yourself or create it’s who you uniquely are already. It’s not necessarily what you like either, although that can affect who you are in many ways too. It’s how you grew up, how you view yourself, and how you think the world runs. Your voice is an extension of you in the same way your arm is an extension of your body. And you can’t pick the arm that’s attached to your body (At least not in the year 2018)

So yea. I’ve got it all figured out.

Until next month’s realization.
-M@